Detox Take Two

So after the disaster of trying to do a juice fast and nearly losing my mind I'm trying something new.  This time it's being overseen by my naturopath, Joanie Kirk.  Joanie has been my mentor in my study of homeopathy for about a year now and is a wonderful naturopathic doctor who has a practice in downtown Palmer.

Joanie has me going through a 6 week protocol.  I started yesterday.  It involves a personalized routine of supplements and a homeopathic remedies and following the Eat Right for Your Blood Type diet. 

Last night I took the first dose of the homeopathic remedy and soon after was feeling pretty overwhelmed and distraught.  It had been a big day.  I'd had a lot of work done with my sore shoulder by my rolfer, Leah Rachocki and then my visit with Joanie.  Lots of stress over financial matters for my parents who are serving a mission in South Africa and some gentle critique of my photography business from a mentor.  I chalked my emotions up to the rough day and went to bed.

I woke feeling rested and well this morning but shortly after taking my remedy again the feelings I'd had the night before resurfaced with a vengeance.  After crying I pulled myself together enough to make the connection between my emotional fragility and the remedy and put in a call to Joanie.  I hoped she'd tell me to stop taking it.

After some conversation I realized that what was bubbling up were all my insecurities and fears. You know the ones...  they sneak up when you're quiet and ask you who you think you are to do something like this, what if it doesn't work, I'll never be good enough, I can't compete, I'm not as good as...  the list goes on and on.  It happens about many things, being a mom, keeping a clean house, homeschooling my kids.  Over the years the subjects rotate and right now those ugly thoughts are about my photography business.  Choosing to start a business is scary and those thoughts are natural, I think everyone has them at one time or another.  (I hope I'm not the only one)  Usually I can lock them in a back closet of my mind and hide the key. 

But apparently this remedy is bringing them to the surface and supposedly it's a good thing.  Something I'm supposed to work through.  It doesn't mean they are real or correct but they are a demon I have to face and not hide from.  Or so the theory goes.  Ok.  I'll feel these feelings, not give them power, just acknowledge them.  That is supposed to help.  It's interesting that alternative medicine requires us to look at ourselves differently and choose to act and think differently while traditional medicine so often masks, covers up, and numbs the emotions, sensations, and pains that we are having.

So I will continue.  Joanie has warned me not to make any life altering or important decisions during this protocol.  To recognize that the process might bring up thoughts and feelings that will pass rather than acting on them during the crisis.  That's good information because this morning I was ready to throw in the towel. :)  So I'll edit instead of looking and comparing myself to what others are doing.  That's not a good practice anyway.

My weight is down to 216 lbs.  I'm hoping to see a decrease in weight as well as have a healthier body and mind by the end of the six weeks.  So stay tuned, we'll see how this plays out.

Well that was a Disaster!

I've had a few of you asking what I've been up to.  I posted last about the decision to add salads to my day.  Well things went down hill fast after that last post. 

I really felt like I was losing my mind, I was a basket case, couldn't stop crying and the very thought of another smoothy was enough to...  well... make me anorexic.  I found myself thinking not eating was preferable to ingesting any more smoothies.  The problem with not eating is that low blood sugar makes me literally nuts.  Just ask my kids.

Monday I was on my way to a photo session, I'd been picking fights with my older children half the morning and sitting in bed crying the rest of it.  I'd pulled myself together and was headed to work but knew I needed to eat.  I asked the kids if they preferred Taco Bell or Carl's Jr.  Andrew tried to reason with me.  He told me I'd regret it when it came time to blog.  Ha!  I just won't blog!  So now you know why I've been absent for a few days.

I ate Olive Garden later that evening on the way to drop Kimber off at the airport.  The Stuffed Chicken Marsala was AMAZING!  It was the meat that I wanted - crazy right?  The bread wasn't that good, and I could have taken or left the dessert.

I saw my naturopath the next day.  By then I was feeling human again.  She told me to go have a burger - preferably not McD's.  Apparently this diet wasn't working for me.  I'm going to keep drinking smoothies a couple times a day, eat lots of veggies and some fruit.  But I'm adding animal protein as I feel I need it. 

Sorry if I've let you down.  I didn't feel better and more energetic with each passing day.  It was so hard to think I was a horrible person with no will power.  I now believe that not every diet is good for every person.  Just because so and so can do it or did it, doesn't make it the best thing for you.  I had to try it to know that it wasn't right.  I'm not a failure I'm just looking for my right path to health. 

My naturopath subscribes to the theories found in the book, Eat Right for Your Blood Type.  I've read it before but I think I'll revisit it.  Her best advice was listen to your body, not your cravings, your body.  I wasn't craving anything specific.  It wasn't sugar, carbs, dairy, or pototo chips.  I felt like I needed to eat and that I was going nuts without food.

Meanwhile she's started me on a six week cleansing regiment that hopefully with help me get the clean body I was hoping to get with the juice fast without me going crazy...  because crazy isn't fun... and I can't afford crazy...  I've got to much crazy in my life already.  :)

Making a Few Changes {day seven}

Day Seven

Around here we have church at 9am.  This means getting up early to get everyone ready.  This morning we overslept.  It was a mad dash around here to get everyone ready and out the door in 45 minutes.

We were missing the little girls shoes and when I got to church I discovered that Gabriel was wearing his muddy snow boots.  Right.  I tried to remind myself that the Lord doesn't care.

Kimber came over for a little while after church and we had a good visit with Kaleb before he and Kimber are headed to Utah for school tomorrow.  It's bitter sweet.  I'm glad that Kimber is moving forward with her life but we're going to miss them.

Food.  Despite the disaster yesterday I still lost weight.  I've made steady progress each day.  What did we do today?  For breakfast Todd made smoothies for everyone and the kids had toast.  Since bread seems inevitable around here we choose sprouted grain bread.  The kids don't like it as much as regular bread but it's actually pretty good. We use Silver Hills. They'd die if I tried to feed them Ezekiel bread. LOL

Lunch for the kids was ham sandwiches with the works (that means avocado, lettuce, cheese, and pickles) and grapes.  Todd and I made ourselves Tomato Basil smoothie soup.  We used the Vitamix.  We used carrots, onions, celery, basil, tomatoes, garlic, salt and pepper and a little hot pepper sauce.  The vitamix warms it up without bringing it to a boil so the enzymes are still intact.  It was yummy. 

Sunday dinners are a usually a big deal around here,  When I suggested Todd needed to make a roast for the kids he just looked at me.  We ended up having Sabrina do lasagna.  Todd made an amazing salad and we chose to eat that with the kids.

Sunday nights are Family Movie Night.  We usually buy ice cream or brownies to share but tonight we used the vitamix to make ice cream for the kids and Todd and I enjoyed an orange, banana, vanilla bean smoothie. 

I've decided that eating a salad with the kids at dinner is something I want to do.  It will help me keep my goals of moving forward with the juice and getting healthy but keep me sane.  I will also eat a handful of nuts and seeds as needed through out the day.  I know that this changes the make-up of my "fast" but I think it's what it's going to take to keep me moving forward.  Sorry if I've disappointed you.

I really struggled to figure out how to keep doing this.  Especially after publicly saying I was only drinking smoothies for 30 days.  But I've realized this is about me and my family not about "what everyone will think". 

I will continue to blog my progress toward weight loss and health.  I'm hoping to see a significant change in the next three weeks.  I hope you'll stay tuned with me.

Tomorrows Another Day {day six}

I'm having a really tough time adapting to this diet change.  Last night I had to send Andrew out for gum.  I felt like I was going to go nuts if I didn't have something to eat.  And it wasn't about hunger, or something specific.  It really was about chewing.  I felt so relaxed after chewing a stick of gum.  Crazy right?

Unfortunately it didn't get better today.  Unlike the movie you're getting the play by play, and all of the gory details.  Sorry.

I got up early for a photo sessions today and I had to stop at the store to get a few things. I had secretly planned to buy an Odwalla for breakfast because I couldn't bring myself to make a smoothie.  My ever loving husband jumped out of bed and made one for me.  Ugh...  Really?

Day Six

And the worst was we were low on fruit, and I don't really like the ones he makes anyway so...  yep, I bought an odwalla.  I had a great time at my two sessions, got done just after noon.  Todd and Katie were waiting to head to Anchorage for Sabrina's End of Year Dance Recital.  She has worked so hard this year to improve and advance.  We are very proud of her.  She would be dancing in three different numbers at the UAA Wendy Williamson Auditorium.

Todd had come prepared.  He had several thermos' of smoothies.  By now I was shaking and not a little ornery from low blood sugar.  And I DID NOT WANT A SMOOTHIE! I wanted food and I didn't want to do this any more. OOOhhhh!  I cried most of the way to Anchorage.  I found a package of raw seeds and nuts in my glove box - while looking for a tissue - and helped myself to a handful.  It took the edge off and I was able to have a rational conversation with my husband. 

I've found that I don't like smoothies that have sat very long.  They get a gelatinous texture that makes me gag and they look like mud.  Also he likes ginger in his and I don't.  He also likes a stronger green flavor.  I enjoy smoothies that I make with about 60/40 fruits/veggies.  I explained that that does not include red chard or ginger.  I think we came to an understanding.

$117 food purchased day six

We needed to get Katie some lunch so we stopped at Fred Meyers and bought her something to eat and I got an Odwalla Orange Juice.  I had sucked it up enough to believe that I could wash down his awful smoothies with the juice.

I drank enough to feel stable and we headed to the recital.  I told him that I reserved the option of eating for later.  He laughed.  As we discussed our options I suggested the Organic Oasis Restaurant and Juice Bar.  That way we could all get what we wanted. I called and checked their hours and was told the kitchen closed at 8pm.  I was secretly hoping they had a vegetable soup I could get away with.

Sabrina did AMAZING!  So did the rest of the dancers!  We were all excited, tired, and hungry afterwards.  We headed for the Oasis, walked in, sat down.  It smelled awesome.  I was excited to see what they had to offer, having never been there.  Todd and I ran into a friend from Pilates and were reviewing the menu when I noticed Sabrina was crying.  I had made this special day all about me and my crazy diet and wounded my daughter.  I was soooo sorry.  We tried to order smoothies togo but were told their juice bar was closed for the night.  So much for calling ahead.

We left and headed for Red Robin.  Todd and I had the soup and salad combo (can you believe I didn't have the ranch?  me neither).  They had burgers, fries, and a mile high mud pie.  I dipped my finger in the caramel.  It was really good.  In the end we had a great time visiting with our amazing daughter.  She is so mature and kind and is turning into an beautiful young woman.  I'm proud that she is my daughter.

So what next?  What I have realized is that I'm not craving sweets or carbs.  Roasted asparagus or cauliflower sounds equally good.  I miss eating.  I'm not sure that I'm going to make it 30 days on this fast.  I think that if a handful of nuts or a salad keeps me sane every now and then, that that's not a bad choice given the alternative.  Because today was not pretty.

So tomorrow is another day.  Ups and downs, why would this experience be any different from the rest of my life?

I Survived! {day five}

I appear to have kicked the flu.  I really wonder how much was an aggravation from this diet?  My eyes popped open this morning and I knew that I was feeling better.  Yesterday was rough, I still felt icky but not bad enough to sleep all day.  I was hungry in the evening.  Hungry for something yummy - actually anything sounded good.  As I was directing the kids in making dinner it was really hard not to ask them to bring me some too.

I need to go back and read Amy's blog when they were at this point.  I need some inspiration.  I think she said something about chewing gum.  Because I don't think I'm really hungry, I think I just want food.  There is a difference.  It hit me hardest when Todd and I were watching Hulu before bed last night.  I think it's habit and boredom.  My body thinks that it should have something solid at times like that preferably a pint of  Carmel Cone Haagen daz Ice Cream.

Day Five

But that's what got me into this mess right?

Actually unlike Amy, I got here by doing next to nothing about my weight.  I've never seriously dieted.  I've watched all my sister and my mother go up and down and all around for years.  And I refused to participate. 

When I got married I weighed 132 lbs.  The same as my husband.  I am 5'10" and Todd is 5' 6".  Yes I am taller than Todd.   With each baby I've added about ten pounds to my body.  Todd never complained and it never really bothered me.  I was always nursing a baby or expecting the next, that's just kind of how my life rolled.  I was a mom and happy with my life.

When I had a longer gap between nursing and expecting between, Gabriel, and Abigail, my weight started to catch my attention.  I knew I didn't want to do a traditional diet.  I knew in my heart they didn't work - I'd seen the endless struggle and heartache that my sisters, aunts, and mom had gone through.  But I didn't know what else to do.  I'm a researcher, My family will tell you that I have more books than your local library.  I started buying books and studying.  Then Abigail got sick and needed surgery.  (read about Abigail here)  Who had time to worry about diet?  Not me.  Three months of eating at the cafeteria at Seattle Children's Hospital took it's toll.  I was exhausted, my hair was falling out, my memory was failing, my feet and joints hurt.  It was awful.  I knew I needed help.

I sought out a friend and Naturopath who diagnosed adrenal fatigue and low thyroid and put me on medication.  It helped a little.  But not enough.  I felt off, my brain was foggy, my memory was not what it used to be and I still didn't have enough energy to keep up with my nine children.  I started to believe that this was just part of getting older.  I didn't have the energy or ambition to do anything else, I was in survival mode just keeping my family and house running.  Changing our diet sounded like to much work.

 Fast forward a year and a half and Abigail was once again very sick.  The doctors didn't know what was wrong and we were bouncing around between her pediatrician and her cardiologist trying to figure it out.  I happened to describe my frustration on facebook when a friend's husband contacted me and said he might be able to help.  He offered nutritional advice and counseling.  He asked us to take her off all sugar, wheat, and dairy.  He explained how these fed whatever bacteria was ravishing her little body.  A light went off in our head.  She'd been having horrible fevers that would spike and rise rapidly and out of the blue.  We'd be at the hospital for a blood draw and she'd be fine, after the blood draw we'd give her a sugary reward for being so good and her fever would spike within 20 minutes.

That was October of 2010.  The moment we started controlling her diet her fevers stopped, but she was still very sick and eventually the doctors identified that she had a blood infection and she had a two month course of IV antibiotics.  We chose to change our diet as a family rather than try to explain to our two year old why she couldn't have what everyone else was enjoying.  We played with alternative flours, gluten and sugar free cookbooks, it was a challenge and very expensive for a family our size.  Christmas was tough and I think my kids will always remember the year of the black bean brownies. LOL.

I lost twenty pounds in three months and all my aches and pains went away and the best part was I got my brain back.  My memory improved and I could think clearly again.  I credit Dr. Mike Olkjer in Anchorage for helping with this.  It was his diet and supplements that facilitated this amazing recovery.

Fast forward three months.  It was March of 2011 and I still felt fat.  For the first time in my life I wanted to do something about it.  I had kept off the 20 lbs I'd lost eating right but that weight loss has stopped.  At 210lbs. I wanted more.  My sisters were discussing another round of dieting and I decided to join in.  I bought shakes and meal replacement bars, and snack bars and I was faithful and got down to 185 lbs.  I was sooo excited!  I looked great in my new wardrobe!   

But as usually happens in my life, slowly I stopped doing what I new was right and slipped back into old habits.  I think the real reason is that it cost more and requires preparation and planning.  It really is cheaper to eat wheat and processed foods, especially here in Alaska where fresh produce is at a premium.  I'm not talking about pizza and frozen burritos every night but our staples had been spaghetti, noodle casseroles with cream soup fillings, mashed potoatoes with hamburger gravy made with creamed soup, rice with sauces.  All the white things in my pantry were fillers to make meals go further.  It took more thought and planning to figure out what to put on the table that wasn't meat, salad, brown rice and broccoli every night.  And lunch?  What do you serve for eight hungry kids day in and day out that isn't between two slices of bread?

We had switched to brown rice and added quinoa to our diet.  We moved from regular brown bread to sprouted grain bread.  We added lots of vegetables and left fresh fruit for snacks.  We had eliminated the white food in our diet. These changes stuck but I found ourselves ordering pizza, serving breakfast for dinner, or just having sandwiches because no one had thought about dinner ahead of time.  I was running around town like a mad woman and fast food became a mainstay for 3-4 lunches a week.  This was expensive both physically and financially.  Funny how our lives being out of control can contribute to our diet and health being out of control.

Several months ago Todd hurt his back and was having to use a cane to walk.  Another wake up call.  We began discussing our diet and exercise plan - or lack there of - again.  Here I was, I'd gained everything back that I'd lost. My first personal experience with the yoyo effect of dieting.  I knew it was from dieting badly and I wanted something different.  I gathered up my books - Good Calories, Bad Calories,by Gary Toubes, The Green Smoothies Diet by Robyn Openshaw, Nourishing Traditions, by Sally Fallon, Primal Body, Primal Mind, by Nora Gedgaudas, and The Eat-Clean Diet by Tosca Reno.  I was trying to piece together a plan.  We knew that the way Mike had taught us to eat worked.  He advocated dividing your plate into four parts, meat, raw veggies, lightly cooked veggies, and a whole grain - not wheat.  He also suggested that a meal shouldn't be more than we could hold in both our hands.

We started back toward this method of eating and we enrolled in a Pilates Boot-camp at Studio One in Anchorage.  Both Todd and I felt the difference in our clothes and our bodies by the end of the four weeks.   That brought us to two weeks ago and once again we were at a crossroad.  Where to go from here? 

And now you know the Rest Of The Story!  LOL  Bet you didn't really want to know all of that did you?  It was good for me to put it on paper.  To see our journey.  Can any of you relate?  I know I don't have the tragic story of battling with my weight for years on end, always failing.  I just failed to try or even care.  In a way I think it's a sadder state than those who have actually tried and failed.  How do I help my kids care about their bodies if I don't give mine any thought?  Currently we are trying to switch our children to a macro nutrient diet.  Smaller amounts of meat with lots of veggies, nuts, seeds, fruits, legumes and grains like brown rice, quinoa, etc.  Share your recipes.  Tell me your tips.  Do you have favorite cookbooks?  How do you stay motivated to stay on track?

Not Dead Yet {day four}

Man, this flu is nasty!  I'm awake this morning but my body still aches and my head feels like it's full of cotton.  My dad always told us to get up, take a shower, and then decide if were were really sick.  Guess what?  I'm still sick.  Ugh.

Yesterday my hubby was home from work and he managed to get two smoothies down me and a several glasses of water.  He comes from a family that thinks that fasting is the best thing to do when your sick so he had no intention of feeding me real food.  And I was too sick to notice.

Today my head is a little clearer and I want to get something done but I can feel my energy draining out my fingertips as I type.  Sabrina brought me my smoothie this morning.  I don't think she blended it quite long enough - it's got a lot of texture.  But overall the taste is ok.  I blend my smoothie as I go and then for 90 seconds at the end to make sure it's good and smooth.

Todd is doing well on smoothies and seems to have plenty of energy but I sensed a little grumpiness last night at bed time.  But maybe that was me being annoyed by the video he was watching in bed next to me.

I had to reschedule my photoshoots for today and I'm hoping that I'll feel better for the ones on Saturday.  I've also got so much editing to do it's ridiculous.  When I asked the kids to bring me my laptop I was thinking I'd post to this blog and then do a little editing.  Now I'm thinking I'll get this posted and take a nap, maybe I'll get to editing this afternoon.

I've gotten a few questions from friends online that I'll try to answer.  I am using a Vitamix.  My sister is using a juicer.  The difference is that the Vitamix uses all of the produce and blends it up. A juicer separates the juice from the pulp.  You throw away all of the insoluble fiber. The idea behind using juice is that you can absorb it with less digestive action because it has no fiber.  It takes more produce to make juice so technically you are getting more nutrients with juice than with smoothies.

With a smoothie you have to add liquid of some type to get it to a texture that is drinkable.   We are using coconut water and kefir water.  Using these instead of plain water helps ensure we are getting the most benefit from our smoothie as possible.  We have lots of kefir crystals if anyone is interested in having some.  Drop me a note and we'll gladly share.

We have chosen to use smoothies over juice because it's cheaper.  That's the down and dirty truth of the matter.  With eleven people wanting to drink some we can't afford to throw out the fiber.  If we had a debilitating disease that would benefit from resting our digestive track we would definitely choose juice over smoothies but that is not the case (hallelujah).